The blogger and the engineer

I can’t tell you how awesome Kaz is, oh wait, I can!
Kaz is totally awesome!
I’m apparently at the stage of grief where I invite myself over to people’s apartments and make them cook for me.
It’s like one of the middle ones.
Kaz also “volunteered” to help me build a toy car I bought for Sammy’s second birthday.

All week I’ve been telling people I’m getting an engineer to build a car. It cracks me up. Alceste and Mary were all “how hard can it be? Just do it yourself.”

Uh huh.

Here’s the thing about me: as “ra ra independent woman, my house, I bought it/my car, I bought it/ I depend on me” (word to Destiny’s Child) that I am, I know my limitations.

I’m a terrible cook, artist, mathematician, left hand side parallel parker and I can’t build stuff.
Within those confines, I lead a moderately productive life.

I tried to get Pi’s husband to put it together, but the Patriots game ended up being too awesome to miss. Have you seen this?!

I was gonna ask my other cousin, but then I remembered Kaz yelling at me for assuming assembling required a man!

Then I thought, you know who’s not a man…. Voila!

I got to her place around 7:30. She decided to make pumpkin soup. I helped by taking pictures:

Then when the soup was almost done, she decided we needed biscuits AND MAKES THEM FROM SCRATCH! LIKE FROM FLOUR and BUTTER. ON A WHIM!

Who makes whim biscuits from scratch?! Kaz!

And they WERE AWEEESSSSOOOMMMMEEEEEE. The pumpkin soup was also delicious. By 9:10 I’m all eating biscuits and pumpkin soup and completely forgot we had a whole other project to do. Watching someone else cook is exhausting! I needed a nap.

But Kaz is not my go-to engineer for nothing!

“Okay, let’s build a car…oh, who am I kidding, I’m building this car myself aren’t I?”

HEEY! I will be meticulously twitpicking! #RUDE

I brought over my bag of tools (four years ago I decided that I was going to try to learn to be ‘handy’ so I bought this $400 tool kit of 1000 tools and attachments. Wanna know how that went?)

“How come your tools still have the cellophane wrappers on them”?

Um.

Know thy limitations.

The building did not start off well:

The instructions were in Portuguese. The sheet said we needed goggles and a rubber mallet…two things my 1000 piece tool kit DID NOT HAVE! I was gonna cry.

But we powered on:

What do you mean what “we”? Who do you think took that picture!! #RUDE

Ultimately, we moved the operation out into her hallway because we didn’t want to wreck her newly installed wooden floors. This move turned out to be fortuitous. You see, sadly, our hammering was not getting the job done. The pieces just wouldn’t lock into each other. But then her big burly across-the-hall neighbor heard our sad girly hammering and was all “can I lend you ladies a hand?” And he took the pieces into his palm and squeezed them into submission!

I’m not even exaggerating a little bit.

It was kind of a blow to our “who needs a man,” assembling plan. Ha! I’m a poet and I didn’t even realize that fact.

He was very nice though, and for the price of a beer, he agreed to help us finish the car.

I wish I could say it got easier:

There was the fight about whether the axles were designated left and right or whether they were interchangeable. Then whether there were back wheels and front wheels. Then about exactly how helpful my videography actually was to the process. I believe my angry tweets to the “Little Tykes” company will prompt change in their sales and distribution policies! I’m like Norma Rae. For inept assemblers. Of children’s toys.

Ultimately, we got it all together. Kaz using her cooperative female style to make her burly neighbor feel like an asshole for instruction hogging and tools grabbing, until they were both working in tandem:

“Your cousin better be a really cute kid,” he said, sweating as he screwed in the last bee antenna into the head.
” Here’s Sammy at Halloween after his first haircut!: image

Burly neighbor was not impressed.

Ouchie.

But when all the easy stuff was finished: the hammering, screwing, twisting, lifting. I took over to do the hard part of putting all the stickers on the bee’s face and giving the thumbs up:

A job well done! And now I just hope Sammy isn’t afraid of bees…

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17 Responses to The blogger and the engineer

  1. kaz says:

    those directions were seriously terrible but we triumphed! and you did way more than you let on in this post – yay team effort!

  2. Stephane says:

    Oh yeah, I know. I took like 15 more pictures than I posted here!

  3. Drizztdj says:

    As a parenting test, try doing this quietly enough on Christmas Eve night with the lights dimmed and multiply by 5 toys to be assembled.

  4. BWoP says:

    Didn’t you watch Toy Story? That thing’s gonna come to life in the middle of the night and eat your face.

    Sorry.

    -_-

  5. Pdov says:

    #perve

    Also, Sammy is way cute!

  6. kaz says:

    hahahaha, ok I won’t tell everybody that you read directions, sorted components and USED TOOLS. whoops!

  7. pearatty says:

    Waaanh!! That looks like an evening *I* should have been invited to! I guess it’s true what they say that once you have kids, your child-free friends just cut you out of their social lives. Yes, that must be it. *pout.*

  8. pearatty says:

    Heeeey, wait a minute, did you invite Wygant!!?? I was wondering where he got to the other night! Jerks.

  9. Stephane says:

    Dangit! How did you notice his absence! I told Mr. pearatty to swap in the stunt baby! Ugh. If you want something done right, you just gotta do it yourself!

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