October movie reviews

Contagion
I wasn’t supposed to see this movie. My anti-social, hypochondriatic ass doesn’t need a *scientific* rationale for my solitude. Alas, I went, I have one, and now I’m sealed in a hyperbaric chamber with a shotgun with two shells. It was a good movie. Gritty, fast paced, they don’t stay on any one group of characters long enough for you to want them dead, so when they die, you’re sad. Might just be the BEST Gwyneth Paltrow movie EVAH!

30 Minutes or Less
It’s probably not fair to include this movie, as I only saw it because I arrived at the theater 79 minutes too early for Colombiana and I walked out before the end… Um it’s about some guys who try to rob a bank. The facebook guy and the brown Parks and Recreation guy are in it. Super dumb… Unless the end is sooo brilliant that it saves the film. Doubt it.

Fright Night
I saw the original in the theaters with my mom when I was a mere lad. It scared the beejezus out of me. Though I have no beejezuses left, the remake was plenty scary. First, McLovin was GREAT in this! I love that kid. Also, David Tennant was perfection. Love him. And they were just *supporting cast*! The special effects were boss (I don’t think it *needed* to be in 3D, but whatevs.) the main characters were good, except for the girl love interest, she was kinda terrible. But all around fun horror!

Colombiana
Zoe Saldana and her ubiquitousness is starting to strain my last nerve. That said, this movie about an assasin out to avenge her parents’ murder was a fun action flick.

The Debt
I didn’t know what this movie was about when I went to see it, but when I left, I went straight home and googled the hell out of “mossad assasinations.” It’s a great movie, though it’s a stretch to say Helen Mirren “stars,” since she plays the old lady version of the young woman who is at the center of this political thriller.

What Dreams May Come
Oh man, was this movie bad. I mean, no, it’s not the worst movie I’ve ever seen, but it was truly terrible, especially considering it stars two Academy Award winners. It’s about a family who all die in various ways in a 24 month span and how they find each other again in the afterlife. Barf.

The Forgotten
I forget what this movie was about. I’m not even kidding…oh… Wait… that lady is in it… Julianne Moore, I think? Redhead? Oh, she plays a mom whose son died, but then everyone tries to tell her that she never had a son. Aliens end up being involved. Double barf.

Carriers
I watched this movie because Stephen King wrote that it was the best horror movie he’s seen in seven years. Either Stephen King doesn’t know shit about horror movies or he is secretly an investor in this movie. It was not good. Your typical a-virus-is-loose-and-killing-anyone-who-catches-it apocalyptic tale. There are six main characters who you don’t care about. They don’t all make it and you don’t care about that either. Snooze.

Down to the Bone
Um…the woman from Up in the Air stars as a drug addict mother of two trying to get clean. Super boring.

The people under the stairs
This movie is about a kid who goes with his uncle to break into this huge mansion on their otherwise poor street. Turns out there are mysterious people under the stairs. O_o I watched this cause there were black people on the cover. Does that EVER work out for me? Okay. Moving on.

Shutter
This was the original Japanese version of a Sarah Michelle Gellar movie I forgot I saw until I was halfway through the movie and feeling like I’d seen it already. It’s basically exactly the same with English subtitles. It’s good.

The Lost Boys
This movie was AWFUL! Why are people always “oh my God, you haven’t seen Lost Boys? You just have to!” I spit on Lost Boys. The vampire creation process makes zero sense. The ultimate bad guy is implausible AND the effects suck. No pun intended. Blech.

Your Highness
This movie about a lazy prince trying to prove himself to his father and keep up with his superstar older brother is pretty funny. There are quests and sword fights and possibly gay pedophilia.

Something  Borrowed
This. Movie. Is. WRETCHED! It’s about supposedly best friends, but when one sleeps with the other’s fiance, it becomes quite clear that they hate each other. Ugh. This is, how hollywood always views female friendships.¬† And this one….ugh…awful awful awful. Not funny, not touching, not romantic. Big heaping waste of time. On my deathbed, I’ll still be regretting this.

Insidious
Holy shit! So, I’m watching and it’s so slow and I figure everything out and roll my eyes forty minutes later when they explain it to the main character cause…DUDE, SO OBVIOUS! Heck, in my head I’m already writing up the bad review I’m going to give it and THEN the last ten minutes happen and I’m screaming and turning all the lights on in my apartment.

Thor
I didn’t hate this movie. The Thor dude is hot and spends an appropriate amount of time in a state of half dress. I liked the fighting and the twist…it’s no Ironman 1, but it’s better than Ironman 2.

Paul
Vomit. I love Simon Pegg. This movie made me want to find him and thump him in the stomach. This movie is about an alien trying to escape Area 51 and he enlists the help of these British tourists. Jason Bateman and Sigourney Weaver are hot on their tails. I fell asleep at least three times. Dumb, dumb, dumb.

Irresistible
Crappy Susan Sarandon movie where she lives in Australia and is a stay at home mom afraid her husband is cheating on her, but he’s not, so he thinks she’s crazy and takes the children… Or something.

Barney’s Version
Um…this movie was pretty good. Paul Giamiatti is in his wheelhouse here as an insecure middle aged man looking for love. There’s an uninteresting murder subplot that is unnecessary and a bit distracting. Minnie Driver is hilariously annoying.

The Secret in Their Eyes
This is a great Spanish film. Equal parts love story and mystery. Very good from start to finish.

Red Riding Hood
Um. This movie wasn’t terrible, but there’s really no need to see it unless you’re bored on a plane. The big “who’s the wolf?” mystery ain’t that great.

Limitless
I liked this movie starring the Hangover guy as a failure who starts taking experimental genius pills and becomes an overnight success. He predictably gets caught up in the wrong element and there’s a lot of running.

Drive
Wow, so Ryan Gosling’s career appears to be back, huh? Here he plays a loner who works at a garage and is a stunt driver for movies. Then he falls for his next door neighbor. Dun dun dun. The casting is excellent, including that comedic jewish guy from “The In- laws” as a badass gangster (you sorta laugh about that for a while, but by the end, he sells it.) Carey Mulligan is good. I liked it.

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2 Responses to October movie reviews

  1. Grange95 says:

    Surprised you haven’t been inundated with death threats from the pro-Lost Boys crowd.

    (Don’t look for me to start the stampede. I actually agree with you on that schlocky mess.)

  2. VinNay says:

    Want some rice and noodles? Just drink the blood.

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