Avery Man 1975-2010, Rest in Peace

I planned to have my first ever sleepover party this weekend (because I was a wildly unpopular child and Angela and Pdov were kind enough to indulge my insanity) and attend the New England Patriots game. As we were planning sleepover activities, Angela told me not to obsess about it, basically, if I didn’t call my mom to come get me, it was a success. Sadly, I was three quarters of the way up to my friend’s house in Massachusetts, when Cee called to say they had found Avery’s body. I pretty much cried my face off the whole night and was sure that I was gonnna make my mommy come get me.

Without being too ridiculously melodramatic here, since I can’t begin to fathom the grief of his family and close friends, I am still cycling between incredulity and misery. I just can’t believe it. Still. Betty White appeared on a MTV awards show about a day after Rue Mclanahan died. I commented that I thought it was inappropriate, but someone responded, when you reach a certain age, your friends die, you accept it and move on. Avery is the first contemporary friend of mine who has died, so…maybe I am allowed to take some time digesting it all. Ugh.

Anyway, below I’ve reposted a news article about his disappearance and discovery. Thanks a billion to everyone who retweeted, reposted, blogged or tumblred his missing notice. And, also to all my friends who checked in on me this weekend, times like these it’s comforting to know that I’m part of such an awesome community.

Love, peace, and chickengrease.

My college roommate Linda, found this article about Avery’s death.

It’s in Chinese, so my other roommate, Elena, did a quick and crude translation:

The police has found on the Hudson River near the 25th pier by Chamber street, a body that was the reported missing 35 year old Avery Man. The police has informed the family yesterday The police said that the body was found on the 29th around 4:17 p.m. When discovered, the person has lost total consciousness, and later verified as dead. The police is still investigating this matter.
Avery Man left his sister’s house on Greenwich St on the night of Oct. 22nd, 9 p.m. Since then, he has been missing. The family has put out the missing person posters around China town, and has reported to the Floral Park police department where he lived. However there has not been any leads. According to people who knows the family, at the time of the incident, Avery’s parents were in China visiting family. The parents have quickly returned from the trip, and after hearing the police report, they were devastated. According to the relatives Avery is a gentle, optimistic person; it’s mpossible that he has killed himself.
Originally they thought he might have been in a car accident and can’t get a hold of the family. They didn’t expect that he would be dead, and not knowing what really happened. 35 year old Avery Man is 5’9″, 125 lbs wearing a black jacket and brown pants when he was reported missing. Avery was born in the US. He moved from Queens to his current residence 22 years ago.  He is still single and enjoys traveling. He is studying eastern medicine and acupuncture at a college in Manhattan, and has been practicing at a clinic.

She then added this commentary on the story which made me smile.

PS this Chinese newspaper wrote that the police found a “middle age” Asian man’s body. Wait…when 35 is considered middle age?! I am sure Avery’s spirit wouldn’t like that a bit!

I know my spirit is WAY pissed!

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32 Responses to Avery Man 1975-2010, Rest in Peace

  1. Gerard says:

    Sorry to hear that the search ended this way. I saw a picture of him on a “missing” poster in Manhattan a few days ago and briefly thought I recognized him-he looked remarkably similar to a guy who went to the same college as me.

    My condolences to his family and friends. Like you said, what they must be going through can’t even be described.


  2. CGHill says:

    Poor fellow. Thirty-five is just barely out of the nest.

    Hope everyone is bearing up as well as possible.

  3. Astin says:

    So sorry to hear it.

    • Title says:

      Yes Heather STOP Apologizing. Your kids come first and please take care of yrluseof and hope all of you get better soon. A tip for you also. Spray Lysol everyday in your home and it will keep germs and virus away. Trust me it works. I spray Lysol everyday in my home and everyone in my home usually never gets sick from virus.Take care and God Bless each one of you. Get well soon Heather, Jon, Avery and Emerson 🙂

    • Charcia says:

      This is why God gave us digital cemaras so we wouldn’t have to pay to develop all those pictures that don’t work out. I really enjoyed the play-by-play it’s nice to remember that other people have as much trouble getting THEIR children to sit still for pictures as I have getting the grandchildren to do so. Bilbo’s first rule of photography is: In any given family photograph, at least one person will be (a) scowling, (b) looking away from the camera, or (c) scratching where he/she shouldn’t.

    • Sozdel says:

      Ms. Williamson,Hello! The New Albany Camps at Bevelhymer should be onilne by later today!They are being offered June 27th-July 1st and July 11th-15th!Once they are onilne, if you have any questions about the schedule or need help registering, please do not hesitate to let me know!Thank you!Tracy

    • Yo, good lookin out! Gonna make it work now.

  4. StB says:

    Sorry for your loss.

  5. Thank you for this heart felt article on our dear friend Avery. Please view the documentary on the website link, as Avery makes an appearance in it. I also intend to present more video footage of Avery that I have on tape, and want to continue sharing his poems and his inspirational life in the name of healing and service. Anyone wanting to contact me with ideas and input, please do. Thanks, may we all be at peace in this time of healing the emotions of grief over our sweet friend.

  6. Arlene Malave-Vazquez says:

    My condolences to his family and friends.

  7. Ryan says:


    I found your blog post while Googling for Avery’s obituary. I have been friends with Avery for just over five years. I never met him in person but we were “internet friends”. I loved him with all my heart, he was one of my best friends. One of the most compassionate, talented, intelligent, interesting, and kind people I have ever met in my life.

    He used to teach me harmonica on Skype, and we would jam with him playing saxophone or flute and me playing guitar.

    He was a spiritual support for me during some very hard times in my life. He was always there to listen, give advice, and comfort me.

    I really don’t understand how this could happen. I have been crying like crazy since I heard the news today. I truly hope I see him again after I am done here on Earth. I miss you Avery and I am so sorry.

    – Ryan

    Here is poem one of my old friends wrote about Avery years ago:

    The Elf King
    By acaveyogi

    The Elf King is a gift that most don’t see,
    he is a reality that few can be.

    He is sensitive and he is pure,
    he is wisdom and he is sincere.

    He cares about others and their stuff,
    he is kind and is not ruff.

    We love our Elf King his world is so fun,
    he creates a reality that is nourished by the sun.
    acaveyogi © 2002

  8. Dawn Summers says:

    Aww, Ryan. That was lovely. Thanks for sharing. I don’t know if you’re on facebook, but people have been leaving messages like this on there as a memorial to Ave and for his sister.

  9. Ryan says:

    Hi Dawn,

    Could you do me a favor and edit out my last name from my first comment above? Thank you.

    I am on Facebook but don’t have Avery added as a friend. I tried adding him yesterday but I guess unless his family has access to his account I will not be confirmed. If they can’t confirm me so I can post, please feel free to post my first comment above for me (just copy paste it), and you can put my full name.


  10. David says:

    I was playing frizbee in Rockefeller park on chambers street with a bunch of friends when his body washed up along the rocks by the park and we saw the authorities get him out of the river. I have since searched for news and information on who it was. I am surprised at how long it took them to get it out but here it is. To Stephanie, Avery’s family, and anyone else who was related or knew Avery Man my condolences.

  11. Shantel says:

    David, can you please call me? I would love to talk to you about what you saw. I keep playing this scene over and over and over again in my head and I have no answers. My number is 630 347 3510. Thank you!

  12. David says:

    Shantel: I tried to call and got a voicemail. Send me a time to call and I will try to get to you then

  13. Pingback: Clareified » Blog Archive » Have a good weekend

  14. Jenny says:

    Was close to Avery near the end of college. I have a pencil portrait of him from those days, but I can’t reach it because I live in Indonesia now. Just heard this morning. Shocked.

  15. matthew brownstein says:

    I have been good friends with avery, he was also a good teacher to me!!! He taught me a lot and he was very wise and someone that I looked up to!!! I couldn’t believe I called him one day and his father told me to my surprise that he committed suicide, I couldn’t believe it, I was in shock, I was crying!!! It was a very unfortunate and unpleasant awakening!!!! I hope to see him one day, I am so sorry!!!

  16. Natasha Spisak says:

    I knew Avery for almost a decade. He was a good, kind, gentle person. But I knew that he was prone to bouts of depression. His mother committed suicide years back, and I knew that Avery may have inherited her depression. But the last time I heard from him, He seemed happy and full of promise. Looking back, I wish I had kept a closer eye on him; looked for any signs that something was wrong. But Avery was so kind and gentle: hard to believe he could suffer so much. He will be missed.

  17. Luis G. Esparza says:

    Hi, I took Wing Chung from Avery and was close to him, I visited his home in Queens, please tell me what happenned to Shamos and how to contact his family. I have to pay my respects. Thank you.

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  20. I knew Avery from when he was in my grappling movie “Redemption.” He was one of the most interesting and generous people in the cast. He played harmonica and saxophone, did kung fu, acupuncture, and massage. In addition to appearing in my movie, he played saxophone at a gig I played at Otto’s Shrunken Head that was part of the movie, he acupuncturedan injurey I had, curing it, and showed me a trick or two on harmonica. After I heard of his death I looked on his Facebook page and saw that his last post was about going out to help somebody. I wonder what happened. His death is a true tragedy and loss to the world.

    Here is some footage of him talking about himself at a rehearsal for the movie…
    Week 7 Pt. 2 – Meet the Cast of Redemption

    • Sara says:

      Stop apologizing! Your blog isn’t nleray as important as taking care of your kids! Doesn’t matter if they are sick or not, your family comes first! We also had a bad virus and my one month old had a really bad cough for several weeks, fever, etc. My 3 y.o. is still coughing but at least no fever now. Get better! It feels so good to be well after being sick 🙂

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  24. w gordon says:

    he was a co worker of mines so sad.he was a great man

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